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Deep in a pothole or glorious on a mountain, in Pakistan or Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan or, maybe, sunning on the French Riviera, is a fierce Osama bin Laden.

"Infidels!" he screamed to his adjutant.

"Yes," same the Aide reassuringly, "that is genuinely what the Great Satan is."

"How dare them!" stammered the capitalist and commander of al-Qaeda.

"What is it this time?" asked the Aide. "Did they takeover one of our a thousand bad and sublime lawman leaders? Did they soften the belligerence peripheral of Baghdad?"

"Worse! They ready-made Bush Number 1!" He looked direct at his Aide. "Do you cognize how dishonourable that is?!"

"I do not understand, Oh Great and Wonderful Courier of Absolute Wisdom."

"Bush!" said bin Laden, spluttering out the idiom. "He's the supreme hated man in America." The Aide proven his optimum to hold a laugh, but a snort left his dried orifice. "Do not sneer at me, you son of a even-toed ungulate driver," same bin Laden who upturned his machine blind to his Aide. "There!" he commanded. "Seek experience done your own view." And there, past the Aide was the hottest AP-AOL sample. One-fourth of all Americans declared that George W. Bush is the Biggest Villain of 2006. Osama bin Laden was far behind, beside only 8 percent of the choice. "Four modern times worse than me!" aforesaid bin Laden, nearly disorder on his spoken language.

"But, Oh Mighty Force For Dissolving the Social Order, you have launched wars. You have brought just about fearfulness. You have forgotten human rights and sliced the documentary religious writing of more than two centuries. You alone have given new interpretations to our Holy Book."

"And so has that Sand Flea Upon a Camel's Ass," aforesaid bin Laden, "and he's through it 4 nowadays recovered."

"But you have been able to do it without a pinch corps regurgitating your half-truths. You cognise how the media ever blow up someone's assessment." It didn't aid.

"I was former the most considered necessary man in the world," aforesaid bin Laden. That Dung Beetle on the Droppings from a Bloated Goat put 10,000 of his military personnel into Afghanistan. He said he'd william holman hunt me set and carry me until that time his enchantress trials." Bin Laden wiped a miniature hole. "But consequently he denatured his mind, put his own guns of large-scale ending into Iraq and forgot nearly me. It's as if I don't substance."

"Please do not cry," aforesaid the Aide, "by offensive Iraq, he wide-eyed a new home where on earth you could release your terror!"

"Bush! It's always Bush! You don't suggest I could have gone into Iraq if I sought-after to, killed Saddam, and made the worldwide nontoxic for terrorism in need Bush?! Is that what you think?"

"Never in a a thousand years, Almighty Benefactor of the Weak and Poor. I would never nag you. Please don't eradicate me. Saddam unbroken you out, but solitary because you allowed it. If you needed to go to Iraq, you would have departed near agelong formerly the Great Satan solicited our bright modification to do battle, and we would have been the premiere to smash the 3,000 twelvemonth society of that region."

"Praise Allah! Allah is near us! Allah Bless al-Qaeda!"

"That's the spirit," aforesaid the Aide. Here's even enhanced intelligence. The American With the Constant Smirk is likewise the most praised American."

"Do you rob me for a fool!?" thundered bin Laden. "I can read and analyse applied mathematics bigger than that Fool of a Mixed Malaprop. Only 13 per centum of Americans say he's the Biggest Hero of 2006. That's with the sole purpose partially of all who say he's the Biggest Villain."

"That shows you how ridiculous those Americans are," aforesaid the Aide. "He creates a war-and that is good-but he girdle at the back the battle, similar he ever has done, and patch his personnel are sweaty and dying, time they're ingestion condensed sand, he's in an cool francisco villa in Texas and drinking barbequed grieving doves, which he merely killed."

"He's even better-quality than me at killing geese of peace," same a lugubrious bin Laden.

"Mighty one, you have shown your right to thin the least of sparrows, as Allah has so ordered, patch propulsion a war antagonistic the heretics."

"That is actual. And I should not bury that those wacky Americans not individual ready-made their workers, the soldiers of the desert, single the Number 2 Heroes, they . set Oprah as the ordinal Biggest Hero!"

"That's the spirit, oh Wise and Noble Warrior. The Americans are goose egg if not shallow."

Bin Laden once again looked at his Aide, a beam appear. "Bush may have helped craft the worldwide undisruptive for terrorism, but in two years, he will no long be President, and I will once more acquire the symbol of existence the Worst Villain. Prepare for my enthronization."